


this don't feel anything like sinking

by sapph0



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, also there's spoilers in this, literally the only thing i've ever written that's like. entirely optimistic?, marriage fic, monica isn't in this but if it makes you feel any better she was absolutely richard's best man, owen i take NO criticism, post season six but pre jared working in a retirement home, projecting both my (likely) autism onto richard and my love of hayley williams onto jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapph0/pseuds/sapph0
Summary: Richard has wanted to propose to Jared for exactly one month.Well, he’s wanted to do it consciously for one month, but the thought of life without Jared has made him want to empty his guts into the nearest socially acceptable receptacle for at least the last four years, even before they were, y’know, together. So take from that what you will.Richard has known that he wanted to propose to Jared for one month. Yesterday, he had bought a silver band at a jewelry store - Jared would love it, he’d say it was traditional like a hand-sewn quilt from a loved one, or something. However, yesterday, he had lost a silver band he bought at a jewelry store.
Relationships: Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks
Comments: 9
Kudos: 34





	this don't feel anything like sinking

**Author's Note:**

> owen, if you ever follow through on your threat to find this blog: shut up.
> 
> also title is from hayley williams' song crystal clear

“Dick, let me get this straight. Not that you’d know anything about that,” Gilfoyle said. “You, despite your inability to make any decisions whatsoever, decided you were going to propose to Jared. Then, by some miracle of the Dark Lord, you actually managed to find a ring for the skeletal string-bean, and then _immediately_ lost it on your way back to your apartment?”

“I-I don’t know I guess it just fell out of my pocket or something and I tried going back the way I came to look for it, but I couldn’t find it, and I - Jesus fucking Christ I can’t even do this _one thing_ right! Fuck!” 

“Richard, chill.” Dinesh flapped his hands in a manner that was probably supposed to be calming, but really just conveyed his own anxiety. “Lost things get found.”

“What about Erlich,” Gilfoyle responded with a mouthful of cereal as Richard ran to the nearest garbage can.

-

Jared was having a good day. After Pied Piper’s unfortunate implosion, he had not only begun a relationship with Richard that was going better than it could have in his wildest of fantasies, but also found a quiet, rewarding job at one of the independent bookstores that Gloria had frequentented. The space was small, but he was essentially paid to read and help his friend’s grandchildren find copies of _Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard_ all day, so he couldn’t complain. 

And today his boss had let him pick what music they played! Oh, the amount of Hayley Williams he played was near criminal. 

However, when Crystal Clear began to play throughout the store, Jared had a thought: _I want this beautiful thing that Richard and I have built to keep growing forever_. It wasn’t surprising, because he’d felt it before, but he’d never consciously thought it. It was a freeing feeling. 

Distantly, he remembered that if a Captain was to marry the First-Mate, the Second-Mate was the one who married them. Jared almost let himself debate whether or not Gilfoyle and Dinesh would fight for the part or if they would fight for the other to have it, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. It was just a thought, after all.

However when he found that beautiful silver band on the sidewalk while walking home, the serendipity of the coincidence was too much to ignore.

-

Richard has wanted to propose to Jared for exactly one month. 

Well, he’s wanted to do it consciously for one month, but the thought of life without Jared has made him want to empty his guts into the nearest socially acceptable receptacle for at least the last four years, even before they were, y’know, together. So take from that what you will. 

Richard has known that he wanted to propose to Jared for one month. Yesterday, he had bought a silver band at a jewelry store - Jared would love it, he’d say it was traditional like a hand-sewn quilt from a loved one, or something. However, yesterday, he had lost a silver band he bought at a jewelry store. 

Richard, through a feat of Herculean strength, did not puke but rather retraced his steps only to find a singular penny and some gum on the sidewalk. He couldn’t even find a _useful_ coin, let alone the fucking ring.

Eventually, Richard gave up, and walked home to find Jared in all of his thoughtfulness making that dish they had in Thailand last year. Without any of the seasonings that made Richard’s intestines do somersaults. 

-

After finding the ring on the sidewalk, Jared was faced with a question: how was he going to propose? Would he take them to the hotel bar where TechCrunch had been, to commemorate the time that Richard had blown the whole world away? No, that was a bad idea. Too many reminders of the Arthurian tragedy that was Pied Piper. Should they go to a fancy restaurant? No, Richard’s anxiety was exacerbated in places where he had to wear clothes he didn’t like the texture of. God, Jared had no clue.

“Is everything okay?” Dinesh asked as he and Gilfoyle walked into the Dunn-Hendricks (or Hendricks-Dunn, as Jared called it) apartment, which had clearly been decorated by only one of the aforementioned owners.

“Oh! Yes, everything’s fine I didn’t mean to cause any worry with the sudden invitation. I just have a few important questions, that’s all,” Jared replied, gesticulating wildly as he took their jackets.

“Could these questions have been asked via text?”

“Oh Gilfoyle, you make me laugh. Come on in, do you guys want some tea, maybe cookies?”

“I’d love some co-”

“Do you have any beer?”

“Gilfoyle it’s nine in the morning,” Jared said, checking his watch.

“Does the beer you have disappear at a certain hour like Cinderella?”

“I suppose we do have some beer.”

“Fuckin’ A.”

“Do you still have those oatmeal chocolate chip cookies?” 

“Of course Dinesh! I actually just took a batch out of the oven to surprise Richard after he gets back from his doctor’s appointment, but he won’t notice if a few aren’t there.”

In terms of advice, Gilfoyle was surprisingly more helpful than Dinesh, who ended up eating the cookies for the duration of the conversation.

“Don’t bother going out, Richard’ll hate that,” he said, sipping at his second bottle of ‘Richard’s lightweight bitchboy bullshit’, “Just stay home, watch his favorite movie or something, propose before or after it. At least, that’s what I did with Tara.”

Jared blinked at him, and Dinesh started to choke on the bite in his mouth. “You proposed to Tara?” He practically yelled as soon as he was able.

“Yeah, I wanted to elope, but you guys should get the invitations soon.”

“Oh how wonderful! Congratulations.”

“God that wedding’s going to be terrifying - Wait, what was the movie?”

“ _Addams Family Values_.”

“Of course it was.”

“Either way, OJ,” Gilfoyle turned the attention back to Jared’s romantic scheming “You’re forgetting a key part of any proposal - you need a ring.”

Jared’s face broke into a wide grin “I actually already found the perfect ring - literally! I found a beautiful silver band on the sidewalk on my way home from work the other day, I mean, I’ll have to get the size adjusted for Rich - Oh my gosh Dinesh? Dinesh you’re choking again I’m going to do the Heimlich maneuver on you, okay? It might hurt a bit but - Oh Dear! Gilfoyle! That’s not the Heimlich!”

-

“We should _really_ tell them.”

“Absolutely fucking not, this is hilarious.”

-

The credits to _My Best Friend’s Wedding_ were rolling, and Jared had to blink back tears. _Oh, Julia, I do love you so_ he thought, however, now he needed to focus. The box that he found on the sidewalk was burning a hole in his pocket, and Richard’s tangent about Rupert Everett’s career was winding down. 

“Although he is a talented actor and great person, I don’t really agree with his views on gay marriage,” Richard popped another kernel of kettle corn into his mouth.

That caught Jared’s attention. “Oh, I thought you said he was gay?”

“He is, but he thinks that _the fact that we as homosexuals want to ape this tragically heterosexual tradition that is so clearly a dumpster fire is horrifying, truly_ ,” Richard said the last part in an absolutely horrible British accent. 

Jared laughed. “Did he really say that?”

“Well, uh no - not verbatim, but basically. But like, if someone wants to spend the rest of their life with someone, marriage is a, uh, a pretty cool thing to do,” Richard was fidgeting with his hands now, not meeting Jared’s eyes. 

“I agree,” Jared reached into his pocket, clutching at the velvet box. “In fact,” Jared continued, getting up off the couch and onto one knee, “I agree so much that I want to marry you.

Jared opened the box to reveal the ring, and all that came out of Richard’s mouth was “Are you _fucking_ kidding me?”

-

Okay. Probably not the best way to respond to a proposal, but in Richard’s defense, Jared did propose using the telltale ring that he had lost on his way home two weeks ago, so he was a little disoriented. To say the least.

That being said, once he oriented himself, Richard could see that Jared, for once, didn’t know exactly what was going on inside his head. Jared was making a face like he had made at Hoolicon, when Richard had forced Jared to play that fucking game - hurt, but feigning strength.

“Oh, um, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise that -” 

“Jared - Jared wait.” He borderline yelled, and Jared stopped the mumbled stream of apologies. “A little over a month ago, I decided that I was, uh, gonna propose to you.” Jared nodded, confused. “I bought a ring and everything but then I immediately lost it on my way home, andIthinkthat’stheringdidyoufinditonthesidewalkoutsideourbuilding?” 

“Also, uh. Yes.”

-

“With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you -”

“With the power vested in me by the Dark Lord, I now pronounce -”

“I was _literally_ just saying that. What the fuck.”

“- you husband -”

“Gilfoyle stop we agreed that I would get to say this part.”

“- and husband. I agreed to no such thing. Plus, things are better when I say them. Oh, and you guys ‘may kiss the bride’ or whatever.”

**Author's Note:**

> there's so many niche things mentioned in this fic i'm so sorry! also weird that i wrote about marriage while not knowing what i feel about it! ngl sometimes rupert everett's ideology makes sense and other days... lesbian lizard brain Want Wife. anyway thank you for reading xo you can find me on tumblr @ riotgrrrlcore dot tumblr dot com


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